The Top 5 Worst Things To Say To a Moderately/Highly Sensitive Person

As a MSP/HSP your nervous system is finely tuned to your environment.

We tend to feel things on a much deeper level than most. While this is a beautiful gift when empathising with others it can also feel like you are getting triggered left right and centre.

What can be a small incident to someone, might feel like a big deal to you.

If you are this type of person then here are, in my opinion, the top 6 most common things you might hear people say to you.

#1 You’re Overacting

This is quite possibly the most common thing you might hear. And it’s pretty upsetting. Our nervous system is firing on all levels most of the time. We tend to take in lots of small details about our environment. Can you ever remember being able to recall lots of details about a room you might have walked into. The door has been left slightly ajar, someone has placed their bags in wrong location, it's hotter than the previous room and the person sitting at the table seems to be in a very bad mood. You're not aware of how you know this, you just do. This information is processed both consciously and subconsciously. Some of the details you consciously are aware of and some you may not even realise that your mind is picking up on them. All of this processing can sometimes cause us to react more intensely that a non MSP/HSP. And if you have low self esteem this statement can wound you very easily. It makes us feel like the reaction we have just experienced is not “right”. This one is a biggie and carries with it allot of shame.

#2 Stop Being So Emotional

This one is quite clearly impossible for us. It’s not like we have a choice at how “emotional” we are. Yes we do pick up on every emotion and that can be annoying to others who just don’t “think” it’s necessary but for us it comes naturally. Elaine Aron likes to call us Emotional Leaders and I especially love that. She explains it like this - if the situation calls for tears we are the first to well up. Did I say I love this! Reframing it this way feels very empowering like we are taking back the power into our own hands. It reeeally helped me to hear it in this way because it validate's who we are.

#3 Get Over It

You might be the one left stewing about things. You go over and over things in your mind about what was said or what you should have said. Trying to Get. Over. It.

One of the traits about being Moderately/Highly Sensitive is that you don’t always give your best answer on the spot. Ever felt like this? Ever felt like 3 minutes later, after you have gathered yourself and processed what was said, you are now ready to respond. Only the moment is completely gone. This happens to me often. Especially if I’m feeling vulnerable and the conversation is emotionally charged. It can sometimes leave this residue in me that things have been left unresolved. I feel frustrated and the rumination can start.

So nope, can’t get over it easily.

This is not to say this happens in every conversation I have. I could probably pull out a few chitty chat chat's I’ve had in the past few months where this has definitely been the case though. Suffice to say one thing I have learnt is that If I am comfortable and the conversation is at a pace I like and with a person I like I can converse more easily.

#4 It’s Not That Big A Deal

Heard this one before? It can leave you feeling confused. You might be thinking what happened or what was said was pretty important, yet the other person seems to be unaffected. You want to discuss it further or brainstorm the reasoning but the other person has moved on leaving you to question if it really was a big deal. Feel me?

This trait can sometimes also be seen like you are double backing in a conversation. Repeating topics. Making them more dramatic than intended. Yesterday for instance, I was chatting with a friend about schools and once she had finished explaining something to me I could feel all the information start to settle into my mind and body. She then went on to talk about something different, only I was still back at what she had said about her son's school. Once there was a space in the conversation I brought up the schools topic again by summerised what I thought she had told me. I find I can do this quite often because I want her to feel understood. So can you see how this trait can manifest sometimes? It can make us overly attentive and interested and also, maybe, make us appear confused and silly. Like we weren’t actually paying attention in the first place. But in actual fact, it’s the complete opposite. With all this deep processing we need a few minutes to compute all the different signals from our friend in order to truely understand her plight - her tone of voice, the look of concern in her eyes, her facial expressions all put together have an effect on us. I genuinely care and love to help people and that's why it’s important to me that I show this person she is "seen".... I imagine I do this because this is how I like to be treated. Have you ever experienced this?

#5 Just relax

If there is one thing not to say to someone while they are upset, it's this. It has the complete opposite effect. The only thing that helps to calm anyone down is to offer them understanding. Not a direction. Especially not a direction that completely dismisses their current distress.

---

I think the key take away for me is that when we hear other people say this to us and it's all be it upsetting on various levels, they are all opportunities to validate our own feelings, our own reactions and that our lived experience is both APPROPRIATE and ACCEPTABLE. If we don't learn to validate ourselves we will continue to not trust our reactions as “true” or “right” which will lead us to even greater mistrust towards ourselves. Haven't we done this for long enough?

And for all the non MSP/HSP's if you are reading this, the next time a partner, sibling, child or co-worker seems to be ‘reacting’ in this way this is an opportunity to validate their feelings with empathy rather than unintentionally shaming them.

If like me, you have just started your journey, I hope you have found this supportive and helpful. I will continue to share what I have learnt and what I have noticed. Remember we are all learning and I'll be right here along side of you, working through it together.

Can you relate? Tell me your story!

Sending love,